Football

I happen to be at the theatre on sunday when the England game is on, what can I say, theatre seduced me away from football some while ago.

I've got a concert ticket provisionally booked for that night but as final is an afternoon kickoff, I think my timings should be okay.

Apparently the first England match peaked at 18.3 million people - the biggest TV audience by far this year. I am totally out of the loop.

Four years ago I had an entire train carriage to myself on a journey back from visiting a friend and then a completely clear road. It’s the one, minor and infrequent advantage of not liking football.

I can generally work out when someone scores because there's a shout from the houses either side of mine.

I have no interest at all in football and never watched a single game. Most likely I'm even the only German not watching the German team playing right now - and not even caring about the result.

Not sure that counts!

I often go straight from the football to the theatre or even the opera. 

The "desperate attempt to be relevant" award goes to a local estate agent for:

Footballs (hopefully) coming home.
Have you thought about selling yours?

Not as bad as the "England" pens I saw someone buying in bulk at the supermarket. They're going to be great souvenirs when they turn up at the back of a drawer three years from now.

I'm really not all that interested in football however, I have recently been introduced to Rúrik Gíslason from Iceland and I must say, j'approve! He's so pretty I'll even resist the temptation to want to cut off that man bun.



When you look at the gutter press at the moment gloating over Germany's defeat in quite the most offensive way I really do hope that England don't win or even come anywhere close to winning. Football fans are unbearable enough without giving them something to start really boasting about. We'll never hear the end of it.

Don't worry, we can take it. Our team has been sh*te and deserved to be out this early.

As for young Mr Gislason, the one positive aspect of my team going down to second league is that we shall now play against Mr Gislason's team Sandhausen, so I plan to be in attendance. I wouldn't be suprised if for the first time in football history, a stadium will see more female than male supporters in the stands.