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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:00:54 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I do it often. Most restaurants can squeeze in a single person, servers are generally really friendly and there are no splitting the bill arguments! Generally depends on the type of place for me. I think I'd feel self-concious in a 'posh' place (not that I have opportuity haha) because that seems more of a 'social' occasion in the same way being in a bar alone is uncomfortable. It's meant to be a place where couples/groups are together for the 'experience' However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. But somedays equally I'd rather the more anonymous fast-food style place where it's counter service and you just take and sit, more for speed/convience if I'm alone and literally just want feeding. I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social' |
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Post by 49thand8th on May 15, 2017 14:10:56 GMT
Have missed too many shows in the past I wanted to see before I decided to say **** that & started going by myself in the 80s. Same here. It really depends on the show, though. If I predict it'll be terrible and/or weird, I want to make sure I go with a friend so we can talk about it after! |
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Post by duncan on May 15, 2017 14:11:03 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I do it often. Most restaurants can squeeze in a single person, servers are generally really friendly and there are no splitting the bill arguments! I'm not sure what bothers people - but I've sat in too many restaurants whilst travelling for work purposes and noted the other amount of single people who are clearly there for the same reason to worry about it myself. |
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Post by Jan on May 15, 2017 14:16:42 GMT
Businessmen & women end up eating on their own in fancy restaurants all the time. No-one cares, honestly. Next time just pretend you are regional sales manager of M&S or something. And take a magazine.
The only one I would feel a bit queasy about is going to a mainstream cinema on my own - could only manage that at an arty one probably.
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Post by viserys on May 15, 2017 14:17:20 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social' THAT. Chains like Pizza Express and Wagamama seem to be frequented by plenty of single eaters who just need feeding after/before whatever they are doing, work, travel, etc. so I feel okay being alone there. Same as when I travel and I'm in touristy areas where you see lone diners/travellers in many (cheaper) restaurants. But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:28:15 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social' THAT. Chains like Pizza Express and Wagamama seem to be frequented by plenty of single eaters who just need feeding after/before whatever they are doing, work, travel, etc. so I feel okay being alone there. Same as when I travel and I'm in touristy areas where you see lone diners/travellers in many (cheaper) restaurants. But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. Yeah it's the same as I'd be fine sitting in a Weatherspoons having a quick solitary drink to pass the time, but I wouldn't want to hang around in some cool bar alone where the point is to be social (or be seen haha!) |
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Post by musicallady on May 15, 2017 14:31:29 GMT
I prefer to go on my own. Eating out on my own doesn't bother me either.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:39:08 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I frequently eat in pubs alone. There's none of the awkwardness that comes if you want a dessert and nobody else does, and I always want a dessert. Sometimes I'll have two, because I can. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:40:19 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
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Post by hal9000 on May 15, 2017 14:48:36 GMT
If I go to live gigs solo, they are the musicians whose songs I know the lyrics to. That way I can have a bit of a sing and dance and lose myself in the music.
I have no probs eating solo at a fancy restaurant, either. If I have the money and want to treat myself then I can better concentrate on the food and do a bit of list-writing. The waiters tend to be nice! You'd be surprised how many solo diners there are, as well.
Plus if I want to treat myself to a first course of oysters and a vodka on the rocks, there is no judgement if I'm by myself!
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Post by mallardo on May 15, 2017 14:52:09 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:57:51 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
(I know this wasn't asked of me but) if the show has already started, HELL YES.  Pre-show or at the interval, it depends on my mood. A friendly chat in a theatre is relatively harmless so I usually don't mind. After all, you know it's only going to be short and not agonisingly stretched out as a meal could be, so it doesn't take a lot to share a few pleasantries. I'm pretty skilled at burying myself in a book or programme if I feel it necessary though. |
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Post by BurlyBeaR on May 15, 2017 14:58:38 GMT
However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. |
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Post by Jan on May 15, 2017 14:59:13 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. In my experience in the really upmarket (expensive) ones around central London you see plenty of people on their own - men mostly it must be admitted - expense account people - the singleton count goes even higher in expensive central London restaurants associated with a hotel (Le Balcon at the bottom of Haymarket being my preferred West End venue). |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:01:21 GMT
But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. In my experience in the really upmarket (expensive) ones around central London you see plenty of people on their own - men mostly it must be admitted - expense account people - the singleton count goes even higher in expensive central London restaurants associated with a hotel (Le Balcon at the bottom of Haymarket being my preferred West End venue). I mean it's kind of a moot point as generally I'm too poor to eat in such places but good to know |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:01:56 GMT
However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:04:41 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
I mostly find it's elderly ladies who want to have a chat in the theatre! I think it's different because it's far less imposing - a casual chat with the person you're sitting next to before the curtain goes up/during the interval is a completely different thing to someone inviting themselves to sit at your table in a restaurant. That goes way beyond polite passing chit chat, in my opinion. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:05:02 GMT
When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later. Suggested plan for future occasions: "Oh, I can't come to [work thing], my identical twin is in town and we want to catch up." Then you just need to steel your nerve to pretend to be the twin if you bump into anyone later. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:07:17 GMT
When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later. Oh God. On holiday once I tried to avoid the 'you don't want to be on your own, do you?' totally oblivious imposer by telling him I had plans to visit a far-flung island. Only for him to catch me on the bus the next morning going in obviously the opposite direction. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:15:31 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
Again it wasn't directed at me, but generally yes. Unless it's say Angels in America or Harry Potter I'm not going to be stuck with this person forever if I don't want to be, and can always escape to a foyer at the interval if it is awkward or weird. So worse case it's a few minutes of polite chit chat, best case someone to chat to in the interval. Obviously if he talks during the show I will hit him on the nose with my programme. Also if a mythical handsome theatre going gentleman were to speak to me and we hit it off that's obviously a GREAT meet-cute |
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Post by viserys on May 15, 2017 16:13:54 GMT
In my experience in the really upmarket (expensive) ones around central London you see plenty of people on their own - men mostly it must be admitted - expense account people - the singleton count goes even higher in expensive central London restaurants associated with a hotel (Le Balcon at the bottom of Haymarket being my preferred West End venue). I mean it's kind of a moot point as generally I'm too poor to eat in such places but good to know Yep, same here. Couldn't afford the really expensive places nor am I that interested in that kind of food. My biggest delight in London is ethnic food which I can't really find around here - Indian, Chinese, Vietnamese and so on. That said, last time the mother tagged along, we had Afternoon Tea in a very fancy place near Piccadilly Circus and next to us was a single lady working her way through the whole Afternoon Tea thing on her own, which I found quite admirable. |
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Post by Peach on May 15, 2017 16:13:55 GMT
I've just looked in a mirror and realised the reason why I'm not approached by men whilst eating/theatregoing alone...
That, and the previous comment about chatty elderly ladies, kind of stung.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 16:17:44 GMT
I don't think it's been mentioned before but there's a difference going solo as a woman and as a man. Even in 2017 a woman on her own is much more likely to be approached by someone with a cheesey line, an offer of a drink, a compliment or a pretend question to initiate conversation. This happens even when reading, on the phone, listening to music, or standing behind a 10 foot electrified fence with Keep Out wrritten on it. I think that can put some people off in addition to any other issues In my experience as a woman who's been going to shows on my own since I was 19, that hasn't happened to me once. Sometimes I almost wish it would, but it hasn't. So there's an awful lot of generalising going on in your post that I don't think is true at all. I don't think your gender makes any difference whatsoever when it comes to going to the theatre alone. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 16:26:05 GMT
Ok before this descends into a bit of an argument, I and I think most of the other ladies who commented were only speaking for themselves and on personal experience. Like the rest of the thread it's a bit of each to our own.
Also, obviously I can't speak for others but I read the comment about 'Elderly chatty ladies' as a nice thing, not a negative. If we re-phrase I've certainly had many a lovely chat with an older lady or several at the theatre (i.e rather than people my own age)
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Post by Peach on May 15, 2017 16:29:24 GMT
Ok before this descends into a bit of an argument, I and I think most of the other ladies who commented were only speaking for themselves and on personal experience. Like the rest of the thread it's a bit of each to our own. Also, obviously I can't speak for others but I read the comment about 'Elderly chatty ladies' as a nice thing, not a negative. If we re-phrase I've certainly had many a lovely chat with an older lady or several at the theatre (i.e rather than people my own age) Yes, I think it was a nice thing. I meant I had a moment of realisation that I was probably one of them! |
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Pre-show or at the interval, it depends on my mood. A friendly chat in a theatre is relatively harmless so I usually don't mind. After all, you know it's only going to be short and not agonisingly stretched out as a meal could be, so it doesn't take a lot to share a few pleasantries. I'm pretty skilled at burying myself in a book or programme if I feel it necessary though. 
