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Post by BurlyBeaR on Nov 16, 2018 22:32:33 GMT
Every time women treat the issue of abuse or sexism or feminism or anything else as a men-against-women thing it's basically telling me that what happened to me doesn't count. A year ago I was told in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed to have my own opinion of how I should best handle the abuse I myself suffered because my opinion wasn't woman-approved. It sometimes felt like I was being berated for daring to step on their turf. I suspect some of the women didn't even bother to read my difficult admission, as not listening to what any man had to say was very much the order of the day. And that passed without comment from anyone on this forum. An absolute disgrace. |
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Post by peggs on Nov 16, 2018 22:36:38 GMT
@thematthew what a very brave thing to write. How sad that our shared love of theatre that brings us here runs side by side by some readers/posters being so badly impacted. Sometimes coming on here makes my life seem rather narrow. I too am glad that we can talk about the serious and there aren't really any no go topics but sorry if the result can be so painful. And yes how we model to children and bring them up is crucial and such a responsibility but also a gift.
Thank you to all of those who have opened themselves up by sharing here and in other threads.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 22:36:44 GMT
A male colleague of mine was going to compete with me for a promotion but then told me that he was going to stand aside because he thought I was the best person for the role. I was shocked and incredibly moved. It was also great to see men on the last women’s march - especially those who attended with their young daughters. Despite these experiences I honestly don’t believe that men in power are doing enough to support women and to create a more equal world.
So interesting that people are holding on to the curfew nonsense unwilling to let it go and discuss the more serious issues. The WHO has said that VAW is a global epidemic, although I acknowledge that in the UK it isn’t nearly as bad as in some other countries. The passion with which people have talked about the curfew as though it was a real possibility has been quite shocking to me. I had no idea it would cause so much anxiety. I am also interested to observe that it that it has resulted in women having to reassure men about how wonderful they are (as I have done at the top of this post)
As a survivor of child abuse myself (this is a euphemism really isn’t it for what is actually rape) by a couple of grown men I sympathise with anyone male or female who has experienced this - I understand the lifelong struggle to manage the devastating impact.
It is going to be difficult to stay away because I really love this Board, but I am going to take a break from the forum. I fear I am spoiling the fun and I can make better use of my time and interests elsewhere.
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316 posts
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Post by martello736 on Nov 16, 2018 23:00:35 GMT
So interesting that people are holding on to the curfew nonsense unwilling to let it go and discuss the more serious issues. The passion with which people have talked about the curfew as though it was a real possibility has been quite shocking to me. I had no idea it would cause so much anxiety. I am also interested to observe that it that it has resulted in women having to reassure men about how wonderful they are (as I have done at the top of this post) See, being transgender I'm very used to people hypothetically suggesting ways entire groups' rights should be restricted and then wondering why there's a backlash to it. "Why do the men in dresses get so triggered when you suggest they are a danger to children?" they opine whilst planning how they can make it as difficult as possible for us to access healthcare. So when I see someone discussing legislative discrimination as though it's just one of those fun games you play it makes me angry, and the idea that people defending and standing up for the group you targeted is inherently noteworthy because said group is men and not a woke caucus approved marginalised group is also stupid. We're "holding on to the curfew nonsense" because you're the only person that's come into this thread expecting your suggestion of making people's lives intentionally more difficult to be taken seriously. I'm sorry to hear you were sexually assaulted. The more people you talk to the more endemic a problem it seems to be that has been swept under the rug for far too long. |
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Post by Roxie on Nov 16, 2018 23:12:13 GMT
The Mattnew (i don’t know how to tag, sorry) I was moved by your story, you’re so incredibly brave.
I’ve said this time and time again, feminism is NOT manhating. It’s not anti men, it’s about equality of the sexes. Sexist comments from women about men are as bad as sexist remarks from men towards women, and abuse in any form to anyone is unacceptable.
I of course acknowledge that both sexes experience violence and abuse. Men can be suffers of domestic violence/rape/assault and we need to change the conversation about this. With the high suicide rate amongst men, it’s important to encourage men to talk about their feelings and not bottle things up even though it’s not always seen as the done thing.
All that being said, most men are bigger and stronger than most women, so women are physically in more danger from men than the other way around in most circumstances. That is why it’s ingrained in many women to be wary of men, and that’s why that imaginary curfew was mentioned on twitter, to open up the conversation and bring it to light. We women recognise it’s only a small minority of men who are a threat, it’s just you don’t know who.
As one poster said, I also saw Caitlin Moran’s post about men’s struggles and it was heartbreaking. I think it’s about trying to understand each other’s struggles, support each other and try to be good humans. Though I recognise it’s a much more complex issue than that.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 23:21:02 GMT
So interesting that people are holding on to the curfew nonsense unwilling to let it go and discuss the more serious issues. The passion with which people have talked about the curfew as though it was a real possibility has been quite shocking to me. I had no idea it would cause so much anxiety. I am also interested to observe that it that it has resulted in women having to reassure men about how wonderful they are (as I have done at the top of this post) See, being transgender I'm very used to people hypothetically suggesting ways entire groups' rights should be restricted and then wondering why there's a backlash to it. "Why do the men in dresses get so triggered when you suggest they are a danger to children?" they opine whilst planning how they can make it as difficult as possible for us to access healthcare. So when I see someone discussing legislative discrimination as though it's just one of those fun games you play it makes me angry, and the idea that people defending and standing up for the group you targeted is inherently noteworthy because said group is men and not a woke caucus approved marginalised group is also stupid. We're "holding on to the curfew nonsense" because you're the only person that's come into this thread expecting your suggestion of making people's lives intentionally more difficult to be taken seriously. I'm sorry to hear you were sexually assaulted. The more people you talk to the more endemic a problem it seems to be that has been swept under the rug for far too You’re not listening. Hellbent on attack and pushing an unrelated agenda. You defend one survivor and think nothing of attacking another. But I don’t give a ^^^*. Look, I am home now and about to deactivate my account. So you all better be quick if you want to get in some last minute vitriol. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 23:23:26 GMT
So interesting that people are holding on to the curfew nonsense unwilling to let it go and discuss the more serious issues. The passion with which people have talked about the curfew as though it was a real possibility has been quite shocking to me. I had no idea it would cause so much anxiety. I am also interested to observe that it that it has resulted in women having to reassure men about how wonderful they are (as I have done at the top of this post) See, being transgender I'm very used to people hypothetically suggesting ways entire groups' rights should be restricted and then wondering why there's a backlash to it. "Why do the men in dresses get so triggered when you suggest they are a danger to children?" they opine whilst planning how they can make it as difficult as possible for us to access healthcare. So when I see someone discussing legislative discrimination as though it's just one of those fun games you play it makes me angry, and the idea that people defending and standing up for the group you targeted is inherently noteworthy because said group is men and not a woke caucus approved marginalised group is also stupid. We're "holding on to the curfew nonsense" because you're the only person that's come into this thread expecting your suggestion of making people's lives intentionally more difficult to be taken seriously. I'm sorry to hear you were sexually assaulted. The more people you talk to the more endemic a problem it seems to be that has been swept under the rug for far too long. I have talked about it enough and as I said it was not assault. I don’t want or need your sympathy. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 7:40:16 GMT
Hi All. I reactivated my account for one last post because I found something that I hope is useful to some of you and because I was concerned by the idea conveyed on here that it was difficult for men to make a difference. The white Ribbon movement is comprised of men who work to bring about change in the area of violence against women (it is overwhelmingly women who are victims and men who are the perpetrators). They work to educate men and boys about discrimination and abuse. Their website contains useful statistics and information. Those men who consider themselves allies would do well to put their money where their mouth is and take the white ribbon pledge. That’s all folks.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 7:43:47 GMT
(Most of excellent post deleted for space) As one poster said, I also saw Caitlin Moran’s post about men’s struggles and it was heartbreaking. I think it’s about trying to understand each other’s struggles, support each other and try to be good humans. Though I recognise it’s a much more complex issue than that. I've said many times that it's important to listen to everyone. One of the comments that most upset me last year was when I suggested that women needed to listen to men too and someone replied that it was strictly a one way street and only women should be heard. But that street leads nowhere but narrowmindedness. Ouch, that's a clunky metaphor. It's a very different subject, and I've told this story before, but when I was in the sixth form at school we had a discussion about abortion. We all turned up with our teenage-simplistic arguments at the ready, and then someone devastated all of them by describing how she felt on discovering that her parents had been going to abort her. I forget whether we ended up mostly for or against abortion, but the main lesson I took away was that you need to listen to everyone because someone may have knowledge or experience that wipes out all your assumptions and forces you to consider issues you'd never known existed.
What I'm hoping for is that everyone will consider the consequences of their behaviour on others, whether it's casually dismissing a carefully thought out post as mansplaining or telling women that the gender wage gap is mostly over. Sometimes there's too much point-scoring and not enough paying attention.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 8:15:35 GMT
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