2,573 posts
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Post by viserys on Sept 30, 2016 15:50:31 GMT
In the department "tube encounters of the strange kind" I had a weird experience in Valencia last weekend. We were on the tube from the beach back into the city in the late afternoon when this chap sat down next to me. He was wearing headphones and held a phone in his hands... and half a minute after sitting starting singing at me and the young woman opposite us. We women exchanged a WTF look, so at least I knew that serenading strangers on a train is not a peculiar Spanish habit. I was glad when I could leave the train a station later though.
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433 posts
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Post by DuchessConstance on Sept 30, 2016 16:11:33 GMT
Of course most men are "nice" but most men also have no idea what it's like to be a woman, and the absolute flood of sexism and street harassment we have to deal with. I don't think most men would be able to understand what it feels like going through life with men regularly approaching you to make a sexual comment/ask for your phone number/tell you to smile etc. especially knowing that the onus is on you to handle him such a way that he doesn't instantly decide to murder or rape you.
I literally don't know a single women amongst my circle of acquaintances who hasn't been subject to some kind of unwanted sexual assault while traveling, and honestly being called a slut by some strange guy barely even registers anymore it happens so often.
And if we're lucky it doesn't start until we're in secondary school.
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3,802 posts
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Post by anthony40 on Sept 30, 2016 16:24:40 GMT
Of course most men are "nice" but most men also have no idea what it's like to be a woman, and the absolute flood of sexism and street harassment we have to deal with. I don't think most men would be able to understand what it feels like going through life with men regularly approaching you to make a sexual comment/ask for your phone number/tell you to smile etc. especially knowing that the onus is on you to handle him such a way that he doesn't instantly decide to murder or rape you. I literally don't know a single women amongst my circle of acquaintances who hasn't been subject to some kind of unwanted sexual assault while traveling, and honestly being called a slut by some strange guy barely even registers anymore it happens so often. And if we're lucky it doesn't start until we're in secondary school. Wow! For what it's worth DuchessConstance, I'm a nice guy (so everyone keeps telling me) and have NEVER done any of the things you have mentioned in the above post
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1,465 posts
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Post by foxa on Sept 30, 2016 16:44:46 GMT
Baemax - that picture made me LOL.
My badge arrived promptly - I'd say within a week or less of ordering, but I keep forgetting to wear it! But I will.
I think the thing about the chatting badge is that it is too contrived. I am a bit of a chatter at times and a bit of wanting to put my headphones on at others, but what I like about the chats are that they happen spontaneously. Just had a good natter with an elderly woman who began by complaining about waiting at the pharmacy but ending up regaling me with stories of 'Old Putney' and the theatre where Theatre of Blood was filmed and the French ballet dancer who smokes on the corner of her road and helped her park her daughter's car. But if we were chatting because we felt committed by a badge it wouldn't have been as fun.
With the theatre badges, it's a bit different in that, to some degree, many of us have online relationships (is that too strong a word?) so it could be fun to put a face to the online voice. Though in my case, do lower your expectations. If you can.
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18,858 posts
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Post by BurlyBeaR on Sept 30, 2016 16:47:27 GMT
Of course most men are "nice" but most men also have no idea what it's like to be a woman, and the absolute flood of sexism and street harassment we have to deal with. I don't think most men would be able to understand what it feels like going through life with men regularly approaching you to make a sexual comment/ask for your phone number/tell you to smile etc. especially knowing that the onus is on you to handle him such a way that he doesn't instantly decide to murder or rape you. I literally don't know a single women amongst my circle of acquaintances who hasn't been subject to some kind of unwanted sexual assault while traveling, and honestly being called a slut by some strange guy barely even registers anymore it happens so often. And if we're lucky it doesn't start until we're in secondary school. Wow! For what it's worth DuchessConstance, I'm a nice guy (so everyone keeps telling me) and have NEVER done any of the things you have mentioned in the above post Careful anthony, according to some people proper nice men don't defend themselves like this because it dismisses women's concerns. Yeah, go figure.
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433 posts
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Post by DuchessConstance on Sept 30, 2016 16:59:54 GMT
Well it IS interesting how some men's response to hearing about sexual violence against women is 100% about themselves...
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4,044 posts
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Post by kathryn on Sept 30, 2016 19:27:09 GMT
Rule of thumb: if a woman complains about the things some men do to women, and you're a man and have never done that then, awesome, well done, we're not complaining about you. Don't take it personally.
Saying 'but I've never done that!' makes it sound like you don't believe us. Like you are trying to dismiss what we're saying. And there's a reason for that, too - it's not the first time most of us have mentioned this stuff online, and generally those responses don't lead to a pleasant conversation, to say the least.
Human beings are great at recognising patterns, you know? Pattern recognition is how we learn from past bad experiences to avoid future bad ones.
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18,858 posts
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Post by BurlyBeaR on Sept 30, 2016 19:53:06 GMT
I think that normal men who actually like women and like interacting with them are just eager to express that we don't fall into your "weirdo" bracket.
However that's obviously very offensive. Lesson learned. Carry on.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2016 21:43:55 GMT
You don't prove you're not a weirdo by saying "BUT *I'M* A NICE GUYYYYY" when we're having a moan, you prove it by, y'know, NOT BEING A WEIRDO. But I don't know, apparently that's a really complicated concept, so by all means carry on complaining and not *actually* listening. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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18,858 posts
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Post by BurlyBeaR on Sept 30, 2016 22:01:35 GMT
So anyway we were thinking about doing a bigger theatreboard badge. Maybe the sortt of size that might stand out on a bag, or a ... erm bag? Or maybe you just prefer a bigger badge. Let us know eh?
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1,936 posts
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Post by wickedgrin on Sept 30, 2016 22:43:48 GMT
When you get past a certain age you become completely invisible in public I am pleased to say. So I never receive any attention wanted or unwanted.
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3,480 posts
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Post by showgirl on Oct 1, 2016 3:32:50 GMT
When you get past a certain age you become completely invisible in public I am pleased to say. So I never receive any attention wanted or unwanted. Indeed. Online, however, neither age nor appearance offer any protection. But to return to the point, I was wondering about a discreet version of the badge for the more retiring amongst us. Unfortunately the first abbreviation which came to mind was obviously "TB", which would be more likely to cause other theatregoers to back off.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2016 7:05:22 GMT
When you get past a certain age you become completely invisible in public I am pleased to say. So I never receive any attention wanted or unwanted. I was thinking the same as you, wickedgrin... I have a very hazy memory of a time when I did used to get some. But I can't remember for the life of me when I started to fade into the background. Hang on! I can just about make out a tune... Cellophane... Shoulda been my name... Coz you can look right through me... Even andrew couldn't remember me after Children Of Eden at Southwark Playhouse recently... And I spoke to his party, offering to move my chair forward for them... Never, ever know... I'm there...
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3,802 posts
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Post by anthony40 on Oct 1, 2016 7:24:28 GMT
When you get past a certain age you become completely invisible in public I am pleased to say. So I never receive any attention wanted or unwanted. I was thinking the same as you, wickedgrin... I have a very hazy memory of a time when I did used to get some. But I can't remember for the life of me when I started to fade into the background. Hang on! I can just about make out a tune... Cellophane... Shoulda been my name... Coz you can look right through me... Even andrew couldn't remember me after Children Of Eden at Southwark Playhouse recently... And I spoke to his party, offering to move my chair forward for them... Never, ever know... I'm there... That's very clever. I see what you did there. (In truth) that's how I sometimes feel. "A human being made of more that air, with all that bulk you're bound to see him there"
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98 posts
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Post by stanne on Oct 2, 2016 9:19:11 GMT
Rule of thumb: if a woman complains about the things some men do to women, and you're a man and have never done that then, awesome, well done, we're not complaining about you. Don't take it personally. Saying 'but I've never done that!' makes it sound like you don't believe us. Like you are trying to dismiss what we're saying. And there's a reason for that, too - it's not the first time most of us have mentioned this stuff online, and generally those responses don't lead to a pleasant conversation, to say the least. Human beings are great at recognising patterns, you know? Pattern recognition is how we learn from past bad experiences to avoid future bad ones. Best post I've read on the subject for a long time.
Thank you, Kathryn.
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