How we talk on the forum

Rule of thumb: always always always assume a post begins with the words "in my opinion". It helps a lot. As Latecomer points out, your opinion when stated can be assumed to be reasonably fixed, and not inherently wrong. People can and do have diverse opinions; different opinions, for everyone's sanity, should be read simply as that, and not as disagreements for the sake of it that need to be fought. I mean, if you think of additional discussion points later, then it's perfectly reasonable to come back later and add them, but that's significantly more productive than stating your same opinion over and over and over again.

Does the system allow for people to be put on a daily post limit?

I always suggest that people use the ignore function if someone is rubbing them up the wrong way - more often than not the Back and forth is actually just 2 people who can’t let it go, and the ignore feature can short-circuit that cycle. You don’t have to leave it on forever, it just removes the temptation to *keep* replying.

Although, If you’re the one who everyone is violently disagreeing with, that can also be an opportunity to think about whether - say it quietly - you might be wrong. We’re all wrong sometimes. We all have moments when it *is* just ourself who didn’t get it for whatever reason. It’s ok to say that it didn’t work for you and leave the thread to the people who did enjoy it.

I love this. People pay good money for this level of therapy. I agree, better we don’t keep going on and on. A gracious back off and trot off to the bar...or the fridge in our cases I suspect.

You've got us sussed lynette!

The ignore function I use against one member and it is bliss. I totally recommend

I find it ironic that a thread about how to talk on the forum has very quickly become how to ignore each other.

Can't we all try to learn how to communicate without upsetting one another, learning from the mistakes we all make from time to time?

You know I once owned and ran my own coffee shop. It was bloody hard work, and we went into the venture ridiculously unprepared for a six-day-week spent on our feet, cooking, serving, washing up, ordering, trips to the cash and carry, making displays, dealing with reps, doing the accounts… and smiling at everyone when you really didn’t feel like smiling!

But the most difficult task of all was one we’d never anticipated- dealing with the regulars. Every place, however hard to find, we discovered, soon attracts its regulars. They came in all shapes and sizes (quite literally) and, behind their backs, we gave them all nicknames that seemed to suit them for some reason or another.

We learned to tell the day of the week or even the time of day from when they came in, and many would place the same order which we quickly committed to memory which seemed to go down well.

We used to enjoy their stories. We liked to hear what they’d been up to, where they’d been, and were often surprised by what made them tick. Many were great fun. And lots came in with nuggets of information and gossip about the town. It was like living inside a newspaper.

But... all our regulars demanded our attention. It wasn’t only the coffee they’d come in for. So it was a relief when some began overlapping with others, exchanging news and anecdotes amongst themselves. We saw many friendships made over a slice of coffee and walnut, feeling rather pleased that we were offering just a bit more than somewhere warm to gather, sip and natter.

But the regulars we came to dread were those who demanded all the attention. They’d often stay the longest, nursing a single cuppa for hours on end, while we were trying to prepare for the day, catch up after the lunchtime rush or when we were getting ready for afternoon tea-time. They saw themselves as part of the furniture now, perhaps as we’d encouraged their business in the early days. Seeing themselves as more important than some of the other customers, they’d speak at full volume, talking over the top of everyone else, often repeating themselves over and over again. Usually they'd be Stating Their Opinions. It was as if they had no awareness of how they were coming across to others. They didn’t take hints when some customers made their excuses to leave, or when we disappeared into the back ‘to load the dishwasher’. And they didn’t shut up after a few brave souls challenged this lack of discretion.

So the inevitable happened: the nice ones started to come in less and less. Some went elsewhere for a bit before returning. And some disappeared for ever.

And us? We decided to sell up after our little adventure. Being a sounding board was never part of our dream…

Thank you. We take the view that you probably don’t want to buy fake educational qualifications and so try to stop you being bothered by them and their ilk.
I haven’t worked out whether it’s a compliment or an insult that we get so many of those. I mean, it could be drugs or firearms couldn’t it? 

Either way, if anyone ever sees spammy posts, hit that Report button which is in the drop down at the top right of every post.