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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 7:52:33 GMT
I've never had the unwanted approach issue at the theatre- perhaps because 'that' type of guy either isn't at the theatre? I'm thinking the type of show I go to alone are the more fringe/arty types so any blokes, there alone or otherwise are there for the same reason I am. BUT the usual 'woman alone' issues with walking to/from an out of the way venue/being in the surrounding area beforehand do I admit play on my mind- how far from the bus stop/tube/station/car is it, what's in between, are there people about. The usual.
I actually had one of the most polite 'that's how it's done' encounters with a bloke outside a theatre. I was waiting for a friend outside the Victoria Palace for want of a better landmark in roadworks city. Young man approaches, stops, says 'Excuse me' I look up he says 'Just wanted to say you look very nice today.' I said thank you, he said something like 'are you going to the theatre?' I said 'no waiting for a friend' he said something like 'I hope you have fun' and went on with his day. It's always weird for women to be approached out of the blue, but it's not the case you CAN'T compliment a woman at random- I had a big smile on my face and a nice encounter while waiting for a friend, and everyone went on with their day!
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Post by bee on May 15, 2017 10:17:23 GMT
I pretty much always go alone these days. I’m not sure I prefer it as such, it’s more a result of my circle of friends not really having an interest in theatre, and as others have said it’s much easier to organise when you’re only trying to please yourself and fit it around your own schedule.
I go to quite a few gigs and I have a mate that I go to most of these with, but if there’s a band that I want to see and he’s not interested I’ll go on my own. I sometimes feel a bit out-of-place if it’s a new band with a young fan base but I generally find if you stand at the back of the hall you’ll see other older folks hanging around there sheepishly.
The only time I’ve really been nervous about going was similar to shady23’s Zedel example, it was at a jazz club and had the table and chairs format, but it turned out fine, they actually had two or three “solo” tables and stuck me on one of those.
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Post by HereForTheatre on May 15, 2017 10:22:25 GMT
I remember at the Jeremy Jordan concert at the Hippodrome Casino i specifically got balcony seats as i thought that it would be cabaret style on the floor and didn't want to be on a table on my own with a load of people i didn't know, i felt awkward about it. Turned out that it wasn't Caberet style at all and theatre style so could have chosen those seats after all. Plus i wish i did, because the balcony felt very detached. Oh well.
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Post by PalelyLaura on May 15, 2017 12:30:21 GMT
I go to the theatre by myself most of the time, for the reasons listed above. I also go to gigs on my own without batting an eyelid. I've seen Beyonce, Pink, Kelly Clarkson and Florence & The Machine by myself (please don't judge my musical taste :-P). Admittedly I think I would have enjoyed them even more in a group, but my friends don't like the same singers I like and I'm not prepared to miss out just because I have no one to go with. Anyway, once you've had a few drinks you don't care!
I do a lot of things by myself, I've been on holiday by myself a few times. The only thing I'm not really comfortable with doing alone is eating in a restaurant.
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Post by viserys on May 15, 2017 12:43:11 GMT
I do a lot of things by myself, I've been on holiday by myself a few times. The only thing I'm not really comfortable with doing alone is eating in a restaurant. I love going on holiday by myself! As for restaurants, it depends on where and what. I wouldn't go to fancy restaurants alone and in London generally stick to places like Pret a manger or at most something like Wagamama and Itsu. However, I find that it helps to have a book/Kindle with me to pass the time between ordering and the arrival of food. One of my best experiences of dining alone was in Venice. I had spontaneously booked a cheapish ticket to the La Fenice opera and dressed up a bit for that. There was a upmarket eatery basically next door with nice open air seating so I decided to eat there instead of hunting something cheapish elsewhere. The Italian waiters were so charming and kind and fussy around me as a single lady, I felt like a star for an hour and not like some unloved Jane No-Mates in a corner.
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Post by Steffi on May 15, 2017 13:00:23 GMT
I go to the theatre on my own. I go on holidays on my own. I go to the cinema on my own. I go to fitness classes on my own. I eat in restaurants on my own.
I'm not a loner but when I want to do something I often just can't be bothered to start asking around if anyone wants to come along (and happens to be free at the exact same time as I am). Yes, I love doing stuff with friends but I would never miss out on anything just because I have no one to join me.
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Post by anita on May 15, 2017 13:04:18 GMT
Have missed too many shows in the past I wanted to see before I decided to say **** that & started going by myself in the 80s.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 13:18:03 GMT
I can eat alone in a restaurant, but it very much depends on what my anxiety levels are doing that day. Theatre or cinema on my own is fine, 'cos once I've picked up my ticket I don't have to interact with anyone beyond a possible "excuse me, please" on my way to my seat. Restaurants, though,...I know in my head that they don't really care that I'm alone as long as I don't start crying (or giving any other indicator that I'm alone because I've been stood up and am upset about it), but there are days when I just can't quite handle requesting a table, placing an order, asking for a bill, etc. Fast food joints are a godsend on days like that, especially now you can order a McDonald's through a computer terminal.
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Post by Peach on May 15, 2017 13:21:31 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people?
I do it often. Most restaurants can squeeze in a single person, servers are generally really friendly and there are no splitting the bill arguments!
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Post by Elisa on May 15, 2017 13:46:20 GMT
I often go alone to the cinema, museums, galleries, events in general. I don't usually eat out on my own in my town simply because I don't need to, but I've no problem at doing that when I'm away from home. I also travel alone. I usually ask friends, but if nobody is avalable, I'll go on my own.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:00:54 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I do it often. Most restaurants can squeeze in a single person, servers are generally really friendly and there are no splitting the bill arguments! Generally depends on the type of place for me. I think I'd feel self-concious in a 'posh' place (not that I have opportuity haha) because that seems more of a 'social' occasion in the same way being in a bar alone is uncomfortable. It's meant to be a place where couples/groups are together for the 'experience' However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. But somedays equally I'd rather the more anonymous fast-food style place where it's counter service and you just take and sit, more for speed/convience if I'm alone and literally just want feeding. I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social'
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Post by 49thand8th on May 15, 2017 14:10:56 GMT
Have missed too many shows in the past I wanted to see before I decided to say **** that & started going by myself in the 80s. Same here. It really depends on the show, though. If I predict it'll be terrible and/or weird, I want to make sure I go with a friend so we can talk about it after!
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Post by duncan on May 15, 2017 14:11:03 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I do it often. Most restaurants can squeeze in a single person, servers are generally really friendly and there are no splitting the bill arguments! I'm not sure what bothers people - but I've sat in too many restaurants whilst travelling for work purposes and noted the other amount of single people who are clearly there for the same reason to worry about it myself.
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Post by Jan on May 15, 2017 14:16:42 GMT
Businessmen & women end up eating on their own in fancy restaurants all the time. No-one cares, honestly. Next time just pretend you are regional sales manager of M&S or something. And take a magazine.
The only one I would feel a bit queasy about is going to a mainstream cinema on my own - could only manage that at an arty one probably.
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Post by viserys on May 15, 2017 14:17:20 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social' THAT. Chains like Pizza Express and Wagamama seem to be frequented by plenty of single eaters who just need feeding after/before whatever they are doing, work, travel, etc. so I feel okay being alone there. Same as when I travel and I'm in touristy areas where you see lone diners/travellers in many (cheaper) restaurants. But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:28:15 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually designed to be 'social' THAT. Chains like Pizza Express and Wagamama seem to be frequented by plenty of single eaters who just need feeding after/before whatever they are doing, work, travel, etc. so I feel okay being alone there. Same as when I travel and I'm in touristy areas where you see lone diners/travellers in many (cheaper) restaurants. But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. Yeah it's the same as I'd be fine sitting in a Weatherspoons having a quick solitary drink to pass the time, but I wouldn't want to hang around in some cool bar alone where the point is to be social (or be seen haha!)
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Post by musicallady on May 15, 2017 14:31:29 GMT
I prefer to go on my own. Eating out on my own doesn't bother me either.
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Post by The Matthew on May 15, 2017 14:39:08 GMT
Just curious, what is it about going to restaurants alone that bothers people? I frequently eat in pubs alone. There's none of the awkwardness that comes if you want a dessert and nobody else does, and I always want a dessert. Sometimes I'll have two, because I can.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:40:19 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
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Post by hal9000 on May 15, 2017 14:48:36 GMT
If I go to live gigs solo, they are the musicians whose songs I know the lyrics to. That way I can have a bit of a sing and dance and lose myself in the music.
I have no probs eating solo at a fancy restaurant, either. If I have the money and want to treat myself then I can better concentrate on the food and do a bit of list-writing. The waiters tend to be nice! You'd be surprised how many solo diners there are, as well.
Plus if I want to treat myself to a first course of oysters and a vodka on the rocks, there is no judgement if I'm by myself!
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Post by mallardo on May 15, 2017 14:52:09 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 14:57:51 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
(I know this wasn't asked of me but) if the show has already started, HELL YES. Pre-show or at the interval, it depends on my mood. A friendly chat in a theatre is relatively harmless so I usually don't mind. After all, you know it's only going to be short and not agonisingly stretched out as a meal could be, so it doesn't take a lot to share a few pleasantries. I'm pretty skilled at burying myself in a book or programme if I feel it necessary though.
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Post by BurlyBeaR on May 15, 2017 14:58:38 GMT
However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That.
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Post by Jan on May 15, 2017 14:59:13 GMT
I think for some people it's just that self-concious feeling of being noticably alone in a setting that's usually But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. In my experience in the really upmarket (expensive) ones around central London you see plenty of people on their own - men mostly it must be admitted - expense account people - the singleton count goes even higher in expensive central London restaurants associated with a hotel (Le Balcon at the bottom of Haymarket being my preferred West End venue).
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:01:21 GMT
But more upmarket restaurants seem to be places for social evenings with friends where chatting matters just as much as the food and drinks, so I'd just feel awkward and weird on my own there, just as I wouldn't go to bars and pubs on my own. In my experience in the really upmarket (expensive) ones around central London you see plenty of people on their own - men mostly it must be admitted - expense account people - the singleton count goes even higher in expensive central London restaurants associated with a hotel (Le Balcon at the bottom of Haymarket being my preferred West End venue). I mean it's kind of a moot point as generally I'm too poor to eat in such places but good to know
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:01:56 GMT
However personally I have no issue eating at your average High Street chain alone- when I've travelled for work and conferences frankly I'd rather slink off and eat at Pizza Express alone than have to endure a meal of small talk with people I've spent the day avoiding. When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:04:41 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
I mostly find it's elderly ladies who want to have a chat in the theatre! I think it's different because it's far less imposing - a casual chat with the person you're sitting next to before the curtain goes up/during the interval is a completely different thing to someone inviting themselves to sit at your table in a restaurant. That goes way beyond polite passing chit chat, in my opinion.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:05:02 GMT
When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later. Suggested plan for future occasions: "Oh, I can't come to [work thing], my identical twin is in town and we want to catch up." Then you just need to steel your nerve to pretend to be the twin if you bump into anyone later.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:07:17 GMT
When you sneak out of the hotel quietly congratulating yourself on avoiding bumping into anyone from work in reception, or being spotted by some colleague from the bar.... you get outside into the hotel car park thinking "yayyyy what pub shall I go to" and come face to face with you boss, parking her car up. That. See also 'Oh no I have to leave my train home is earlier than x or y' Only to end up on the same platform several hours (peace) later. Oh God. On holiday once I tried to avoid the 'you don't want to be on your own, do you?' totally oblivious imposer by telling him I had plans to visit a far-flung island. Only for him to catch me on the bus the next morning going in obviously the opposite direction.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:15:31 GMT
I love eating out by myself, it's so luxurious and relaxing - but I do think you are more exposed as a lone female to men trying to impose. I've quite a few times been subject to the old 'you're alone and I'm alone, let's keep each other company' thing. It's really annoying as I would 10000% rather read my book and people-watch in peace than make forced conversation with a stranger. But experience has taught me that politely saying you'd rather be alone is as awkward as giving in - at best you get the reproachful evil eye throughout your meal and at worst you get actual abuse. I really don't get why some men can be so completely immune to body language/social signals or just don't care whether their attentions are unwelcome.
What about in a theatre - do you mind being spoken to by the single guy sitting in the next seat?
Again it wasn't directed at me, but generally yes. Unless it's say Angels in America or Harry Potter I'm not going to be stuck with this person forever if I don't want to be, and can always escape to a foyer at the interval if it is awkward or weird. So worse case it's a few minutes of polite chit chat, best case someone to chat to in the interval. Obviously if he talks during the show I will hit him on the nose with my programme. Also if a mythical handsome theatre going gentleman were to speak to me and we hit it off that's obviously a GREAT meet-cute
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