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Post by sph on Apr 5, 2022 14:25:02 GMT
This isn't really, strictly speaking, an "agree to disagree" situation though, because when it comes to violence, that is not how a society functions. We have laws in place because the vast majority of people believe that violence is wrong unless you are physically threatened. "Self-defence" does not mean taking a swing at someone you believe has insulted you, and that is certainly NOT the purpose of self-defence classes.
Furthermore, being a woman does not excuse you from being wrong for using violence. If you are physically attacked or your personal space is breached, then fine, that's different, but if someone says something upsetting, female or not, you can't just go around hitting people. Just because it is how women "often respond" doesn't actually make it right, it just means that a woman has the benefit of facing less repercussions for doing it.
And if words ever hurt you, hitting the person who has said them will not take them back, nor will it change how those words have made you feel.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2022 15:03:31 GMT
America has had those comedy roasts for years. I can remember seeing a clip of Johnny Carson's from 1968 featuring the great Groucho Marx and if you ever saw the Pamela Anderson one from the 2000's where Bea Arthur was a guest and the things they were saying about her and comparing the size of Tommy Lee to her's was hillarious. Bea was well into her 80's then but was having a great time.
We have always had jokes about appearance and ability in the UK and maybe much less so now. Ronnie Corbett with his height, Des O'Connor's singing talent, Brucie with his chin, Esther Rantzen and others with their teeth but often the target was in on the jokes. Taking Brucie for instance he was well known to wear a toupee and it was joked about but I never saw it done in his presence on TV so we did know where to draw the line.
The roasting humour/US humour I always thought was a bit more sharp and almost bitchy like certain strands of gay humour/drag queens can be.
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Post by kathryn on Apr 5, 2022 15:09:00 GMT
crowblack you are just wrong on this. Physical violence is physical violence - and a ‘slap’ can still cause serious damage, if the person slapping is stronger than the person being slapped. If Will Smith slapped *you* he’d probably knock you over! You should not want a world where men feel justified in slapping people who say something they dislike because in that world it might happen to you - you are certainly opinionated enough to say things some men will dislike or be offended by! - and you’d end up much worse off. I’ve literally just seen a clip of video on Twitter of a tennis player slapping their opponent at the end of a match, after shaking his hand, because he lost. This is not a norm we want to encourage!!
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Post by jojo on Apr 5, 2022 15:14:42 GMT
Absolutely sph. Lots of toddlers go through a biting phase because their ability to express how they feel hasn't caught up with their ability to feel those emotions. We help our children, encouraging them to 'use their words'. Not just to stop them taking a lump out of their brother or sister, or so they know how to behave in society, but it's in their interests to be able to articulate what's bothering them.
Violence in response to a self-defined level of unacceptable offence is just violence with a side-serving of narcissism. It's nothing to do with self-defence.
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Post by crowblack on Apr 5, 2022 15:20:06 GMT
crowblack you are just wrong on this. Physical violence is physical violence - and a ‘slap’ can still cause serious damage, if the person slapping is stronger than the person being slapped. If Will Smith slapped *you* he’d probably knock you over! You should not want a world where men feel justified in slapping people who say something they dislike because in that world it might happen to you - you are certainly opinionated enough to say things some men will dislike or be offended by! - and you’d end up much worse off. I’ve literally just seen a clip of video on Twitter of a tennis player slapping their opponent at the end of a match, after shaking his hand, because he lost. This is not a norm we want to encourage!! Well, of course a man slapping a woman is wrong! That is absolutely not what we are talking about here though. We're talking about one middle aged man slapping another middle aged man, both of similar build, over a clearly hurtful personal insult made in front of millions about someone's body. It's not like hitting a woman or hitting someone simply because of a defeat in a tennis match, which I've never heard the like of and is totally inexcusable.
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Post by sph on Apr 5, 2022 15:32:47 GMT
Would you just like us to go back to a society where people challenge each other to a duel at dawn?
Or a society where men in a saloon flip a table over, shout "them's fightin' words!" and go outside for a shootout?
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Post by kathryn on Apr 5, 2022 15:49:20 GMT
crowblack you are just wrong on this. Physical violence is physical violence - and a ‘slap’ can still cause serious damage, if the person slapping is stronger than the person being slapped. If Will Smith slapped *you* he’d probably knock you over! You should not want a world where men feel justified in slapping people who say something they dislike because in that world it might happen to you - you are certainly opinionated enough to say things some men will dislike or be offended by! - and you’d end up much worse off. I’ve literally just seen a clip of video on Twitter of a tennis player slapping their opponent at the end of a match, after shaking his hand, because he lost. This is not a norm we want to encourage!! Well, of course a man slapping a woman is wrong! That is absolutely not what we are talking about here though. We're talking about one middle aged man slapping another middle aged man, both of similar build, over a clearly hurtful personal insult made in front of millions about someone's body. It's not like hitting a woman or hitting someone simply because of a defeat in a tennis match, which I've never heard the like of and is totally inexcusable. So it’s justified when you are offended, but not if someone is offended by you? That’s not a defensible position and you should know it. It was a joke, not an insult, in any case. Which is why the whole audience (including Will Smith!!) laughed at it. The ability to take a joke at your expense is a professional requirement of any celebrity sitting in an awards show audience. Just like the ability to take losing a match gracefully is a professional requirement of a tennis player.
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Post by jojo on Apr 5, 2022 16:09:39 GMT
I've just looked up the tennis slapping, and it's very obviously wrong and many people are calling for him to be banned for life, with a general comments that the penalties for bad behaviour in tennis need to be more severe. But worth noting that if he'd slapped his opponent during the match it would have been an automatic default.
But also noting that the match was a juniors match, albeit at a senior level and players who have the potential to go on to become successful professionals. It likely that the slap was to do with something that happened off-court, but it's entirely possible that the losing player felt that his dream career was slipping through his fingers. His family may have got into debt to invest in his future, and he's lost out on a win that would have secured a sponsorship deal. From his point of view, the consequences of a loss could be far worse than thinking you are being laughed at. Yet violence was still wrong.
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Post by crowblack on Apr 5, 2022 16:40:29 GMT
So it’s justified when you are offended, but not if someone is offended by you? That’s not a defensible position and you should know it. It was a joke, not an insult, in any case. Which is why the whole audience (including Will Smith!!) laughed at it. The ability to take a joke at your expense is a professional requirement of any celebrity sitting in an awards show audience. Just like the ability to take losing a match gracefully is a professional requirement of a tennis player. There's a world of difference in these situations, the Oscars and this tennis thing. That joke was not aimed at the audience but at one individual in it, who is living with a physical condition many women (me included) find distressing, which I've already commented on upthread. Others in the audience may have been laughing but she - the one person in the world who was the butt of it - was not, and she wasn't there as a nominee but as the partner of one. And even if she was there as a nominee I don't think 'sitting smiling while someone on stage insults you' whilst attending the highest ceremony in your industry should be regarded as just a normal, expected part of the job. It didn't used to be, it isn't considered normal or acceptable in other industries, and hopefully what happened this year may prompt a rethink, though as they've just given a Grammy to Louis CK I doubt it. Anyway, we are never going to see eye to eye on this.
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Post by kathryn on Apr 5, 2022 16:51:31 GMT
Thing is, you are just wrong on what is expected as a film/TV awards ceremony attendee. Yes, you are expected to ‘be a good sport’ and take a joke aimed at you. It’s the price you pay for being insanely rich and successful, which you by default are when you are the butt of a joke at an awards ceremony.
Having a thick skin is a professional requirement when you place yourself in the public eye the way Jada Pickett-Smith has.
There were plenty of other jokes made at the expense of attendees.
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Post by inthenose on Apr 5, 2022 17:42:18 GMT
crowblack you are just wrong on this. Physical violence is physical violence - and a ‘slap’ can still cause serious damage, if the person slapping is stronger than the person being slapped. If Will Smith slapped *you* he’d probably knock you over! You should not want a world where men feel justified in slapping people who say something they dislike because in that world it might happen to you - you are certainly opinionated enough to say things some men will dislike or be offended by! - and you’d end up much worse off. I’ve literally just seen a clip of video on Twitter of a tennis player slapping their opponent at the end of a match, after shaking his hand, because he lost. This is not a norm we want to encourage!! Well, of course a man slapping a woman is wrong! That is absolutely not what we are talking about here though. We're talking about one middle aged man slapping another middle aged man, both of similar build, over a clearly hurtful personal insult made in front of millions about someone's body. It's not like hitting a woman or hitting someone simply because of a defeat in a tennis match, which I've never heard the like of and is totally inexcusable. Sorry, you've lost me. I think anybody slapping anybody is wrong, especially given the circumstances involved in this case. Why bring sex into this, in the bolded part? I'm sure this isn't what you intended, but you made it sound uncomfortably like you were specifying what kind of physical assault is "wrong" and which is "understandable", depending on whether it was a woman hitting a man, or a man hitting a woman. Could you clarify, please?
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Post by oxfordsimon on Apr 5, 2022 18:08:33 GMT
Thing is, you are just wrong on what is expected as a film/TV awards ceremony attendee. Yes, you are expected to ‘be a good sport’ and take a joke aimed at you. It’s the price you pay for being insanely rich and successful, which you by default are when you are the butt of a joke at an awards ceremony. Having a thick skin is a professional requirement when you place yourself in the public eye the way Jada Pickett-Smith has. There were plenty of other jokes made at the expense of attendees. Also there is no evidence that Chris Rock was aware of the alopecia diagnosis. Not everyone follows the ins and outs of the lives of the rich and famous. He appears to have been making a joke about a hairstyle. Something that has been done many times about male and female celebs.
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Post by kathryn on Apr 5, 2022 19:27:54 GMT
If Will had not intervened, and Jada had taken to Twitter after the ceremony with a heartfelt explanation of why the joke was in poor taste, we’d be living in a very different timeline right now, and I doubt not that Chris Rock would be pledging to ‘do better’, and the Academy would be reconsidering the role of Oscars host.
Will Smith lost the chance for his wife to claim the moral high ground and make real change, by his actions. If you don’t like such jokes you really should be blaming him for an own goal, Crowblack - you are likely to hear more of them now, as people push back for the right of comedians to offend.
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Post by wiggymess on Apr 5, 2022 21:18:35 GMT
Find it really unnerving this kind of talk of censorship. Always ultimately comes down to the idea that someone's decision of whether a piece of art (be it a joke, a video game or TV/film - all of which have been mentioned) is offensive or goes beyond a certain accepted line, when we all know art is completely subjective, that is the point of it. We've seen it repeatedly with this Government that they believe they are the judge as to what is morally acceptable and what type of jokes/shows are to be allowed airtime on the BBC. It deeply deeply troubles me.
Also find it very confusing that there's talk of white male privilege in the same breath as the promotion of the idea that it's perfectly fine for a woman to hit a man. What a bizarre contradiction to make.
Personally I think it's clearly, clearly wrong what happened at the Oscars (and judging by Smith's statements, so does he). I don't expect his career to be too damaged in the long term and neither do I particularly think it should be. A suspension should be suffice to send the message that it is absolutely not acceptable behaviour.
Another thing to consider is the safety of performers. Comedians in particular but also others. Are we now to say that if someone deems something offensive it is OK to attack a performer?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2022 11:00:36 GMT
There are certain jokes which might be told in a club or on TV years ago which we would now find distasteful but where the line is drawn in that middle ground is always merky.
What would have been the fallout if Jada herself had walked up and slapped Chris?
I'm sure she'd have got far more support than Will would have done and Chris been seen less as the victim.
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Post by lynette on Apr 7, 2022 11:10:57 GMT
I haven’t seen this mentioned anywhere but I’m wondering if hair is a particularly sensitive thing in Hollywood/America? Is it the only part of a face or body that invites comment in this way? I’m thinking how Black styles provoke comment and often censure, a kind of prejudice. Is there something else underlying a comment on hair and/or the lack of it? He couldn’t have said anything else about her looks, could he? So does hair represent something, power (Old Testament Samson’s story, v old, very potent) in a away that is difficult to express. Just musing….
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Post by kathryn on Apr 7, 2022 12:08:10 GMT
Bald jokes have long been a thing, whatever your gender or colour. Just ask Elton John!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2022 14:30:57 GMT
Elton has made jokes about his hair over the years to be fair.
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Post by sph on Apr 7, 2022 15:09:51 GMT
It wasn't the most pleasant joke, but certainly not the worst. He compared her to Demi Moore, not Matt Lucas.
I think Smith's reaction would have been the same regardless of the type of joke. It wasn't about the joke, it was about being the "big macho man" etc.
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Post by wiggymess on Apr 7, 2022 15:51:28 GMT
It wasn't the most pleasant joke, but certainly not the worst. He compared her to Demi Moore, not Matt Lucas. I think Smith's reaction would have been the same regardless of the type of joke. It wasn't about the joke, it was about being the "big macho man" etc. If we're talking hypotheticals then I tend to agree with this. He shouted to keep his wife's name out his mouth. Any joke about her (which SHE found offensive) was going to provoke the same response I'd imagine. And as for this constant "if Jada had hit him" idea - reading through this thread you can see that some people clearly find violence by a woman towards a man acceptable in certain circumstances (something I find repulsive having had a male friend who was a victim of domestic violence) so yes, I'm sure there would be plenty of sympathisers had that happened, although I get the feeling it's much the same people who think what Will did was OK.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2022 17:27:43 GMT
I think a lot more people would have sided with Jada smacking CR one than Will doing it. Can anyone remember on a US Talkshow in the mid 1970's Shelley Winters ran back on and emptied a drink over Olivier Reed's head as they had been having an arguement about sexism and he had told her to shut up. Ollie just carried on talking and didn't react with the incident although pouring alcohol over his head was like giving Popeye some spinnach
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Post by wiggymess on Apr 7, 2022 18:10:07 GMT
I think a lot more people would have sided with Jada smacking CR one than Will doing it. Can anyone remember on a US Talkshow in the mid 1970's Shelley Winters ran back on and emptied a drink over Olivier Reed's head as they had been having an arguement about sexism and he had told her to shut up. Ollie just carried on talking and didn't react with the incident although pouring alcohol over his head was like giving Popeye some spinnach So now we're making a comparison with a completely different situation where someone reacted in a completely different way to a completely different thing happening to them in order to justify something that didn't happen? What a mess. Would you say it would be OK for Jada to have got up on stage and hit Chris Rock?
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Post by kathryn on Apr 7, 2022 19:05:55 GMT
Elton has made jokes about his hair over the years to be fair. Well of course he has - he knows that people like you more if you are ‘a good sport’ and can take a joke at your expense. Even if it stings.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2022 11:05:10 GMT
Elton has made jokes about his hair over the years to be fair. Well of course he has - he knows that people like you more if you are ‘a good sport’ and can take a joke at your expense. Even if it stings. Elton has been in the public eye for over 50 years. Ironically his first big hit was in the charts when I was born and there were as many stories about his hairline as his private life over the years with is hair transplants and wearing of hats. I think it was in the early 1990's he settled on his current hairpiece wig style and now we almost forget about it. I wonder how many younger people might see something like the "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" promo film and suddenly notice something different about his hair having only known the wig era Elton and seen him wearing his baseball caps and strawhats from the 1980's. If people suddenly change their appearance then comments will be made in the press if you are a public figure.
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Post by oxfordsimon on Apr 8, 2022 19:12:06 GMT
Smith has been banned from all Academy events for 10 years.
He keeps his Oscar
Not sure if he can be nominated in the future. But we shall see as the details emerge
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